Category: Dating and Relationships
Hi all, my friend is 41 and is dating a guy who is 22 years old. They're both blind and met at a training facility for the blind. What do you guys think of this relationship? Is it right for a 41 year old woman to date a 22 year old guy?
I think it depends on the couple. some people are more mature at 22, than they are at 50, so it's unfair to say this or that about people based on their ages, and without knowing them or the situation.
I think most would say she's a coogger. But that's jumping to conclusions rather quickly.
Who knows how mature he is or what her maturity level is.
Who cares. There choice, not mine. They're both over eighteen.
I say if they are enjoying the relationship no matter how long it last cool!
You can't know how a relationship will be no matter what the age split is. Two people that are both 22 can have issues just like two people with a wider age gap.
Life is to be enjoyed, and if this relationship is good for them, even for today, it is worth having.
I know a couple were the male is lots younger than his wife and they've been happy married for 10 years now.
They're both legal adults so they should be able to date whomever they want.
Seems to me a whole lot of people want to jump into other people's affairs a little bit to readily. I agree with the most of the opinions expressed here: They're over 18, and if they're happy with each other, who's to condemn it? There's little enough happiness in this world these days and we don't know what comes after this life, so let them be.
If it works for them and they are happy, that's all that really matters. Age is just a number after all.
Hmmm. Guess that could work. Maybe. There's a 12-year gap between my oldest sister and her husband. He was 33 and she was 21 when they got married, and a lot of the family worried about it. But they have had a happy marriage, so some people seem to do just fine at it. In the end, as others have said, these people are over 18, so their call.
What does the poster think? Smile.
Also, you said they met at a training center. This made me wonder are they actually together, or now that they've finished the training, are they living in different cities?
wow, again I agree with Cody; I say who really cares (not in a mean way) as long as they're happy and it works for them.
I don't see a problem with age difference; I understand how it could look a little strange to some people but they're ones who will be more closed-minded. I'd think.
The guy is still at the center and the girl is home. They do live in different cities. Personally I don't think it's right because of the age difference. He's my age. I should be with him!:)
Niki, why does age difference matter so much to you? why is that the first thing that comes to your mind, before other things like their values or maturity level?
Ah, jealousy! I get it now.
I say then find someone your age, and let them live, period.
Is it the age difference that bothers you, or the fact that he chose the older worman to be his partner over you. Saying that he should be with you specifically because he's your age is very immature and close-minded. That's like saying someone should be with someone else in particular because they're both sighted. or both white. or both rich.
If you're jealous of the other woman's relationship with the person you would like to be with, then just say so. Don't mask it with the obvious fact of age difference.
Well, just steal him. JK.
Okay, thanks for your answer.
Do you really want him? Smile.
the better question would be why do you want him, if he's already in a relationship?
Maybe he's hot, providing she does, and the old girl is far away,and probably rusty anyhow, so....
that doesn't matter. sounds like the OP is just jealous.
of course she's jealous.
Personally, I've very turned off by a man if he happens to be in a relationship already. Turned off. Period. He can be hot, rich, sexy, I can desire after him till kingdom come, so to speak, but once I find out he already has someone, all of that's out fo the window. Thats' such a deal breaker for me that I couldnt' even lust after him at that point. I'm so serious.
I could have a crush on a man, but if I know he has someone already, teh crush is over. all bets are off.
Call it what you want, but I take it as a very welcome quality.
This way, I'll forever be detered from becoming a homewrecker. lol
I'm with Bernadetta on this. that's totally how I am, as well.
Seh'll not be recking a home, only old woman's dreams of keeping a hot young thang.
Right now it is just a boyfriend um, milf, thang. Lol
JK
Wow people after reading the abuv posts, I just want to ask a CL to remove this topic. I don't need all the negativity and bashing as some of you have done and have done in the past. I'm not jealous because of the age but rather because he and I would probably have more in common. And what Chelsea said about wanting him due to his age is not immature! So, think before you post hurtful things like this!
No matter your reasons, you're still jealous. So you're not making what they say any less true. Plus, you didn't ask whether we thought that it was better to be with someone you have a lot in common with, you asked about age. So we naturally assume that you are talking about age. You brought that all on yourself.
This topic will probably surface again in a few months, long after you've moved on to someone else or several someone elses.
It's gotta be tough being young in the Internet age, and I don't say this sarcastically.
Every fool thing I ever said or did or wrote as a young person, which were many and at least as stupid as stuff people do online, has long since washed away with time and there is no permanent record of it. That is what makes a site like this more difficult than even Fakebook or Twitter, because such entries are etched in stone, cannot be deleted.
It's too bad the truth hurts you. It's uncomfortable, because, you don't like what you're hearing. People were beginning to focus on your original question, yet when you added jealousy to your own topic, you brought forth some understanding, which is, that not so much is it about the age that bother's you, but the fact that he's not with you. And you then say that age has nothing to do with your jealousy, when you yourself said that he's your age, and that he should be with you because you both would have much in comun? So you're contradicting yourself. If age has nothing to do with it, why bring it up? I don't understand, though I'm trying. you're lying to yourself, not us. Sorry, if I said something you didn't like, or that hurt you, but noone will, or has to sugar code everything for you. Don't worrie, I'm sure you'll get over it in time, and you'll certainly find someone your age with whom you'll have much in comun. Good luck.
Oh sorry, I have one more suggestion. If you don't wish to find negativity of any kind, simply ignore what you'd like, or don't even bother reading this topic anymore, for since you've opened it to the public, you'll recieve all types of opinions, sorry. You should've thought before posting, and perhaps you should've asked people close to you what they thought. With that said, good luck.
Niki, if you can't handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen.
My first post was serious, but after that and you said something about he'd be better with you, I figured you were either serious or teasing, so I took the fun root. Lol
Some others did as well. I really don't think they and me meant comeants to get to you. If they did, then they'd be right.
You know I wonder.
When a person post a question like this, and they get back answers they don't agree with why they get mad?
You ask a community a question to learn what they think, not to tell them they agree with you right? A question is a question, not a command?
I think that old dried up woman should be shot! You all agree with me now. Smile.
It def depends on the couple. Everyone matures differently.
it just depends on the couple. if they are happy in the relationship then let them be. . age is just a number.
Wayne, I wonder if people like you or I can appreciate this. I mean, we got the chance to grow up before the Internet, sure I'm more grateful for the Internet than words can express, the free flow of ideas and thought, and for us blind people, unlimited access to material.
But you and I were no longer pups by the time we got on the web. I think it's a mark of growing up to be able to pose a question and get back totally different responses, and be able to handle it. Yes, I do know quite a few very provincial types in their sixties who are facing the same challenges now that there's a Facebook, and unlike their houses, they can't monopolize their opinions.
You and I will get to live long enough to see how this shakes out, having the before-and-after perspective.
In so-called real life, kids do just what you said: say things to each other that they all agree with, because they're all in the same peer group. We all did it: smoked dope or dropped a little cid to be different, hell, some of us even wore parachute pants for awhile, but we don't have to say who. Anyway, isn't that the way, with people that age? Always running around with your group? It's a tough lesson to learn in offline life as it is. But I have to say, I can't rightly judge, because I was never tested, in an online sort of way. Not as a teenager or young adult, anyway. I was mid 20s before I had Internet access.
Anyway any time I see something like this online, especially a sort of fixed forum like this, I always wonder about these things.
Well guys now they broke up. Hee wasn't the mature person that she thought she was. They are now just friends.
I was eighteen before I had the internet, and twenty or so before I used it to do more than talk to people I already knew well. I frequented a site called Hotbraille in my early days (silly name, I know, but I bet at least a handful of you have heard of it), and that was my first foray into the world of strangers on the internet. By that point though, I already had a fairly firm grasp on being able to "take heat", as it were. Doesn't help that I'm a naturally strong personality...I'm not going to wail if you disagree with me or give me a lot of lip. The worst I'll do is fire right back or dismiss the venom in what you're saying and try to look past it to the meaningful bits.
Anyway, I digress. It occurred to me, first and foremost, that "I should be with him" might well have been a less personal statement than it looked. It might well have been meant as "Someone my age should be with him". I'm not making excuses, just noting a possibility. I am kind of dismayed to note the outpouring of hostility that changed this topic a little less than halfway through it, though I do sort of understand. Whatever the original poster's intent, that was...kind of badly done, if nothing else.
Now I'll actually address the original question. I think age is very relative. If you want to work long-term, or have a hope at it, you've got to be at similar points in your life, or else you've got to be very very careful. If you've got a twenty-year-old and a thirty-five-year-old in a relationship, it's likely that the older one has done more, been farther, and may have clearer ideas of what they want, both from life itself and from a partner. The younger one, lacking some of these experiences, may simply be outmatched. If the older person is willing to be patient and the younger one is willing to accept that they'll have to scramble a little in order to make lost ground, then it may work...but it's dubious at best, I fear. A lot of times, I think age-gap relationships work because both parties are at a similar enough point in life to really sympathize with each other. At such a point, the fact that one watched Bugs Bunny and the other watched Animaniacs, let's say...well, stuff like that will matter much much less if you're at a similar point in life with your partner. This place-in-life thing holds true for any couple, by the way, but I think it holds especially true for couples with an age gap.
I am three years older than my boyfriend. That's not a huge age difference, but I never thought I'd be in a relationship with someone younger. My older sister's husband is 12 years her junior. I'd be more concerned with whether or not they could live independently of each other and support themselves financially. I never went to one of these centers, but have heard some pretty horrible dating horror stories. Blind or sighted, I think it's crucial for people to be as independent and selfassured as possible before entering into a serious relationship. If you don't know what you want out of life, or what your values or interests are, you can't share those with others. Maturity and shared values are huge in a relationship. I can honestly say that my boyfriend and I have more in common than I do with many people my own age.
very good points from a few of the other people who commented. they are both legal, and yes maturity does matter. if they are around the same or compatible maturrity levels, it should not matter. yes that person could b called a cougar, but you can not really say if that person is without knowing more about them. i am dating someone older than me right now in fact, and while it is sometimes difficult because of difference in amount of experience and other things, i would sort of prefer it this way. not sure if many would agree but guys in my age group, early twenties, are very oftentimes consumed by one or two things, and i do not mean to go off on a tangent, but am just giving an example of y i'd prefer the guy a bit older than i and i'm also giving an example of y that person may prefer someone older than them. hope this all makes sense and sorry for the babbling.